If you have read this blog for very long, you know that I use a word for the year instead of resolutions. This year my word 2020 is Faith – I need to leave my worries up to a higher power and learn that using my intuition and faith through life will gain me more than anxiety and strife. My favorite scripture has always been about the faith of a mustard seed, so I put it on my graphic.
If you would like to pick a word yourself and want me to design a graphic, contact me. I am offering this service – design for a minimal amount. It does help to have the graphic in your phone on your desktop, I-pad, print, or all four.
A new year, a new decade, a new life. I decided to stay home this year on New Year’s Eve. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts and assess what I wanted ahead and what I had looking back.
I vividly remember when we bought our house (20yrs, ago), Aziz decided we were going to have a New Year’s Eve party!! He took charge, and I went along for the ride. Our downstairs was designed for parties. It had a small area for a kitchenette, family room. Then a vast place with speakers – sound system and a space in front that where live musicians would play musical instruments such as the tabula (drums) and various other devices. We would have a full buffet, and one year our last visitors didn’t leave until 6 in the morning.
The women did dress beautifully. The dresses were tailor-made with the most delicate fabrics, beautiful colors, glitter, rhinestones, sequins, and more. They always word jewelry in 24 kt gold to us Americans it doesn’t look real but it is. I was often asked why I didn’t buy a sari or other Indian attire to wear. Often people would go back to visit family in Pakistan and wanted to bring me a dress back. I think the clothing is beautiful, but I could never feel comfortable wearing it because I felt like I was phony when I was not from their culture.
I know I will never be part of that world again – those fantastic memories that I shared with Aziz are forever etched on my heart.
We went to multiple dinners and parties throughout the year. It didn’t matter if we were going to someone’s house or to a restaurant they always dressed to the nines. One thing that was more spectacular than anything else was the weddings they would put on for their daughters. I swear they would mortgage their homes to put on such an enormous celebrations. It would usually last several days with unlimited amounts of food, dancing, toasts, and very festive.
Some memories are better forgotten, then why do they come when least expected?
I recently went to a friend’s funeral; he was so young, only 42. He went in to get a hernia taken care of in March, and by October, he was dead! He subsequently had other problems eventually after a long battle they figured out he had cancer. By the time they diagnosed this problem, his body was too weak for treatment.
Very sad – he left behind a wife and 2 step kids that he loved like his own. During the funeral, I was so touched. Family members talked about Leon what they would miss but also how much he loved his wife, and she had been by his side. Candice was told by people at the funeral they would always be here for her and the kids and how much Leon loved her.
What I didn’t expect was to be so impacted emotionally. I started to cry; my thoughts turned to my husband’s funeral –how nothing was mentioned of our love story. How unimportant I felt in this cathedral full of people. I sat in the side pew (can you believe it!) as his ex-wife, family, and friends set in the middle. Twenty-six years with this man and I was an outsider. How did that happen? Our souls were intertwined, and our love was deep and spiritual.
My family was there with me, of course, but his family (I had considered part of mine for so long) was not. It was like having the dagger put in my back and then twist.
Do you think my thoughts were selfish? The day was not for me; it was for Leon’s family and him. All I can say is I am only human.