I know I am a strong woman I have been through a lot in my life but everyone has a breaking point and I am close to mine …
I just have to remember the saying
God Doesn’t Give You More Than You Can handle
My niece and her family came, but my husband was sleeping the whole time. When he heard Brandy’s voice, he lifted his hand but still slept. Around 10 minutes before they went home, he woke up and smiled a big smile. I was so happy he could get hugs and kisses, especially from the little ones.
Yesterday Jaynie said he was doing really well she came over to take care of my husband
like every Monday to give me time to get things done and just get away. I pay her for five hours, she is now like a family member to us. She is the best care taker, and we love her.
I was able to go up to the canyon and (finally) see the fall leaves. It is a bit late in the season some trees didn’t have leaves anymore, but it was still beautiful. And I love the streams cutting through the mountains.
I am trying to come to grips with everything, finding my way to cope. I am strong I know it, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that – especially when I think I am doing OK and then some said something simple, and the tears want to flow…
So many things are going through my mind even when I take a sleeping pill, I am restless. My niece and her family are coming over from Idaho Falls, a 3-hour drive. She has six kids from 15 – 2; the last four are really little. She has so much love for us. She insisted on coming down because my husband is not doing very well. We love her…
The saddest part now is even when he gets up. I can feel his life force leaving. No sparkle to his eye, in fact, his eyes have been really hurting him and this morning, he didn’t want to take a shower – or he couldn’t because he was sleeping. When we turned him, he was in pain no matter what we did that is a sign of further deterioration.
His eye looks so sick and dull like I cannot see his spirit.
Ashley came over while I went to the store yesterday, and it was a beautiful day. As I was driving I couldn’t help but remember my sweet husband’s words.
I would say “It’s a beautiful day isn’t it”. He would answer “yes but not as beautiful as you”.
That will be seared in my mind and heart forever – and it makes me want to cry knowing that I will never hear that again…