Life Moves On

Life moves on …

I would think the pain would dissipate, and at this point I could go on with my life with the understanding that there is no other way but to move on. I was wrong it feels like I am going backwards after eight months I miss him more than ever.

Sunday morning I woke up to the memories of how we use to spend our weekend and on Life Moves OnSunday, we would watch all the show about politics IE: Meet the Press, Fox News Sunday, etc.

We have a huge TV that my husband put on our bedroom wall, and so we would just cuddle and lay in bed.

When I got up, I would make coffee and breakfast and once in a while  my husband would talk me into going to church with him…

I was looking through some old journals and found a couple of poems he wrote for me I am going to share one with you today. Now keep in mind English was his third language,  it is so beautiful…


You have always been very warm and caring
You have always been very sweet and giving

That is why you are always so very beautiful whenever I see you.

You look like a dream of a poet.
Like a blossoming rose
Like the talk (sparkle) of a diamond
Like the candle light in the church

Whenever I see you.

You look like the morning light
Like the sunshine of winter
Like a red delicious apple
Like a cold breeze bringing Tricia cologne

I love you!

Twenty-three years ago, he wrote this to me; I am so glad I found it. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time…

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My Life – My Problem

My life has taken such a tumble that it is hard to make sense of everything.

It has now been 6 months since my husband’s passing and I do have some “good” days. Most of the time I still feel immense pain and heart break.

It is like I was a bit numb for a while but now the awakening is fully realized. I keep telling myself to just do building block to reconstruct my life. One block at a time

The other day my kids and I went to the grave. On the grave stone is a picture of my husband and myself. When I looked down on those smiling faces I realized that is not me Life - two hands entertwinedanymore – I am a ghost of myself. You could say at this point in my life I feel like I have died with him…

I have struggled because of that this week. A good thing did happen though a friend that had not been around reconnected, and it has been sincerely helpful to be able to talk and relate to someone that understands the pain. They to have a spouse that is terminal and there is the difference between someone who really know what I am going through and have gone through.

Everyone else has been great, but I understand that they really cannot understand fully unless they have been through it themselves. That is what makes this friendship so special, and I am hoping we can continue to support each other and bring a bit of levity in each other’s lives.

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Deep Lonely Feeling – Then a Sign

I often have a deep lonely feeling in the pit of my stomach. It happens the most at dusk, but  it can hit at any time.

The loss of my husband is such a painful road. I am trying to carve out a new life for myself, but I keep wanting to scream and dig my hills in NO. I just need him back.  At night I pray for peace and  a sign that all is OK.

Then most amazing thing happenedHindu-Temple

I was going to a new store on 90th south and did get off on that exit.  I couldn’t find the store, I didn’t us my GPS. As I then turned around and went down a little road standing in front of me was the Hindu temple what a surprise, especially since I live in Utah.

As I drove down the road to get a closer look at the beautiful structure right next to it was the India cultural center. My husband was from India and his ancestors were Hindu before they became Catholic. What are the chances?

I couldn’t believe it; I was on a completely different road and how I did get there I really don’t know.

I do know why – a sign from my husband. I ask for one the night before…

Thank you sweetheart…

PS I was on 104 west and should have been on 90th!

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