Memories Better Forgotten

Some memories are better forgotten, then why do they come when least expected?

I recently went to a friend’s funeral; he was so young, only 42. He went in to get a hernia taken care of in March, and by October, he was dead! He subsequently had other problems eventually after a long battle they figured out he had cancer. By the time they diagnosed this problem, his body was too weak for treatment.

Memories better forgotten sad woman

Very sad – he left behind a wife and 2 step kids that he loved like his own. During the funeral, I was so touched. Family members talked about Leon what they would miss but also how much he loved his wife, and she had been by his side. Candice was told by people at the funeral they would always be here for her and the kids and how much Leon loved her.

What I didn’t expect was to be so impacted emotionally. I started to cry; my thoughts turned to my husband’s funeral –how nothing was mentioned of our love story. How unimportant I felt in this cathedral full of people. I sat in the side pew (can you believe it!) as his ex-wife, family, and friends set in the middle. Twenty-six years with this man and I was an outsider. How did that happen? Our souls were intertwined, and our love was deep and spiritual.

My family was there with me, of course, but his family (I had considered part of mine for so long) was not. It was like having the dagger put in my back and then twist.

Do you think my thoughts were selfish? The day was not for me; it was for Leon’s family and him. All I can say is I am only human.

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Dementia – Losing the Battle

Looking back in my life when I was losing my husband to dementia I really have felt blessed having the time to say goodbye.

The following excerpt was posted on Facebook and I loved it so much I decided to put it in my blog. I don’t know who wrote it but it describes to a T what we go through.

There is much pain to endure when watching a loved one suffer with dementia. This is the pain of perpetual grief. There is the raw wound of continual loss. There is the struggle to preserve dignity and the desire to respect the present and cling to the past.

However, in the midst of the heartache there is a small glimmer of light that exists to remind us of the things that dementia cannot take away…
The warmth of a touch
The importance of smiles and laughter

The knowledge of what it truly means to experience unconditional love and acceptance…

The last year I spent with my husband was an amazing journey of unconditional love, spiritual, deep and haunting, the kind of love that transcends the human experience. The kind of love that one cannot understand unless they go through it.

Dementia - love until the end.
Forever

A greater love than that of the most ardent lovers – it is the love of two people who spirits are intertwined in the knowledge of knowing they will soon be separated but cannot let go.

The pain unbearable at times yet oh so beautiful.  Excruciatingly raw – the love that will be cemented forever in time between two individuals with the understanding, they will soon have to say good-bye – but will be together again for an eternity.

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The Truth Hurts

The one thing I can say is it never ends “The Truth Hurts” I have now discovered my worth to my husbands children.

I received a letter in the mail from an attorney, it looks like my husbands children are suing me…

It has been months since I have written.  I am tired and cannot seem to let myself re-live on paper the trials and tribulations. Talk about broken heart-ed, especially his daughter who begged me to stay part of the family because they loved me.

Samina was there for me the first 4 or five months. I love her kids (adults actually), when they took me to dinner I felt so warm with them. I felt like my husband was there, and it was like a warm blanket.

Fast forward 6 months and I could not get a hold of my step daughter or her daughter. I Truth Hurtscouldn’t figure out what was going on. I even left heartfelt messages on answering machines, etc. Then I opened my mail box and what was there?

A letter saying if I didn’t answer and send them a list of all of my husband’s assets they would put everything in probate, they didn’t believe the trust, and they didn’t believe my husband was in his right mind when he signed the power of attorney…

All four of his grown children were suing me, including his daughter – to say I am heartbroken is not an exaggeration. I ended up getting an attorney, and having to put a pretty penny down as a deposit.

He’s the best expensive yes, but he is very honest and wants to fight for me. He said a lot of his cases he feels not so good about but this one is very clear they are just trying to bully and scare me.

Since he communicated with their attorney, I have heard nothing. I don’t know if they have dropped the case, or it is just simmering under the surface. They have up to two years to sue me so one year down, one year to go…

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