Dementia – Losing the Battle

Posted on April 16, 2019 by Sarah Maude

Looking back in my life when I was losing my husband to dementia I really have felt blessed having the time to say goodbye.

The following excerpt was posted on Facebook and I loved it so much I decided to put it in my blog. I don’t know who wrote it but it describes to a T what we go through.

There is much pain to endure when watching a loved one suffer with dementia. This is the pain of perpetual grief. There is the raw wound of continual loss. There is the struggle to preserve dignity and the desire to respect the present and cling to the past.

However, in the midst of the heartache there is a small glimmer of light that exists to remind us of the things that dementia cannot take away…
The warmth of a touch
The importance of smiles and laughter

The knowledge of what it truly means to experience unconditional love and acceptance…

The last year I spent with my husband was an amazing journey of unconditional love, spiritual, deep and haunting, the kind of love that transcends the human experience. The kind of love that one cannot understand unless they go through it.

Dementia - love until the end.
Forever

A greater love than that of the most ardent lovers – it is the love of two people who spirits are intertwined in the knowledge of knowing they will soon be separated but cannot let go.

The pain unbearable at times yet oh so beautiful.  Excruciatingly raw – the love that will be cemented forever in time between two individuals with the understanding, they will soon have to say good-bye – but will be together again for an eternity.

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The Truth Hurts

Posted on March 24, 2019 by Sarah Maude

The one thing I can say is it never ends “The Truth Hurts” I have now discovered my worth to my husbands children.

I received a letter in the mail from an attorney, it looks like my husbands children are suing me…

It has been months since I have written.  I am tired and cannot seem to let myself re-live on paper the trials and tribulations. Talk about broken heart-ed, especially his daughter who begged me to stay part of the family because they loved me.

Samina was there for me the first 4 or five months. I love her kids (adults actually), when they took me to dinner I felt so warm with them. I felt like my husband was there, and it was like a warm blanket.

Fast forward 6 months and I could not get a hold of my step daughter or her daughter. I Truth Hurtscouldn’t figure out what was going on. I even left heartfelt messages on answering machines, etc. Then I opened my mail box and what was there?

A letter saying if I didn’t answer and send them a list of all of my husband’s assets they would put everything in probate, they didn’t believe the trust, and they didn’t believe my husband was in his right mind when he signed the power of attorney…

All four of his grown children were suing me, including his daughter – to say I am heartbroken is not an exaggeration. I ended up getting an attorney, and having to put a pretty penny down as a deposit.

He’s the best expensive yes, but he is very honest and wants to fight for me. He said a lot of his cases he feels not so good about but this one is very clear they are just trying to bully and scare me.

Since he communicated with their attorney, I have heard nothing. I don’t know if they have dropped the case, or it is just simmering under the surface. They have up to two years to sue me so one year down, one year to go…Share This Post

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The Red Bag

Posted on September 3, 2018 by Sarah Maude

To say my life has been erratic doesn’t even begin to explain all the ups and downs I have had.

Some days are better than others, and everything reminds me of my sweetheart. The other day I was cleaning up and feeling better than normal then I came across the red bag. The red bag that I had put mail in so that I could make my husband feel he was still part of his world.

If you have been through this disease, you know that at some point you have to help your loved one find a purpose or connect them to their world. My husband was a business man, Red Bagand he was all about doing business dealings, handling finances, etc. So I took this red bag and filled it with mail that I would usually throw away and at certain times of the day, I would ask him.

Do you want to open the mail?

And of course he would say yes,  I would hand him this bag and he would sometime go for hours  opening the mail put it into stacks, etc. He also would play cards (what he felt was a game) so I would give him a deck of cards, and that would keep him satisfied for a while.

When I found this red bag while cleaning the other day, it floored me. Tears just flowed, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t want to throw it away – but it wasn’t like this was a good time in his life so what should I do?

It was just the fact that he had touched the bag and used the mail so often, it was almost like his essence was still there. I was plunged back into the world of. I cannot live without him. How am I going to ever be happy again?

It has been nine months, and the wounds are still open and raw. In fact, it seems like the more time goes by the realization that I am not going to see him in this life floors me even more.

Thank goodness for the time I have relief. When I am up at my kids or hanging with some friends who help distract me from this reality.

Learning to live a life for myself is really daunting. I am learning a lot, but I have much farther to go.

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