Thanks to Laurel Regan (Alphabet Salad), blog post about using a word instead of setting goals I have now adapted it in my lexicon.
She used this method for the year 2014, and it worked for her. The idea is, instead of making New Year’s resolutions set your intention for the year with a word, something that will set the tone for what you want to accomplish.
Well in 2015 I used the word Empowerment and even though I didn’t pick a word for 2016 that word carried me through the last two years. Without me realizing it, as I look back I have empowered myself and done things to secure my future, things that are uncomfortable but necessary.
I have been mulling over words this morning, and nothing seemed to fit until I thought about the word discover.
The reason this was so poignant to me is that I have yet to discover who I really am. That may seem like a cliché but it really isn’t for me. I have always been a wife, mother, daughter and sister. But I never really put my needs or what I wanted on the front burner ever!
Now I am going through the crisis of losing my husband and my identity, I need to find out simple fundamentals about what I want to do with my life, what is important to me and even. What do I enjoy beyond the obvious?
It is almost painful to think this way because I am admitting to myself the obvious my husband will not be with me on the rest of my journey.
I am sitting here working in my office and I hear a little bird chirp. It is September and that usually doesn’t happen until the spring.
It makes me feel happy like when there is a long cold winter and the snow has melted – and the signs of spring start showing up.
I always feel like spring is a reminder of the renewal of life. A sign that everything is going to be OK…
Maybe the bird is to remind me of that – I am in such a sad transition in my life.
Is it a sign – everything will be OK in the end ?
It is really hard to believe I am 57. It seemed like only yesterday I was in my 30’s, it is true that as we grow older time goes faster and faster.
The hardest thing for me is slowing down and enjoying the ride. Always in a hurry, rushing for what? When I was younger, I was so obsessed with working building my business – I didn’t have time for some of the things that I should have.
Those are the things I regret the most, not taking dad to the town where I grew up – like he requested. He would say,” let’s go and visit the places we went when you were a child.” I would say sure dad, but I didn’t make the time. I had work, clients that were depending on me. We could have done it in a day– I would do it in a heartbeat now.
The fact I didn’t make more time to stay with my grandma in her elderly years or the times I could have spent with my mom but was focused on my “career.”
Those are the things I regret the most.
It almost seems too late now – all those who raised me and adored me like no other are gone.
However, I cannot repeat the past – my grandchildren are still small I need to make memories. My husband being ill I need to appreciate what I have of him.
I need to remember to stop and smell the roses, even if they do have a few thorns.