Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

Reflections of the Past

Memories and thoughts about past experiences and how they have impacted me

Celebrating life while you can…

I put on some Punjabi song videos for my husband, and it immediately reminded me of the life we once had. Sometimes you don’t appreciate it until it is gone. The dancing, parties and delicious Indian food – we would travel all over the United States to attend weddings, graduations, anniversary’s. The women who came to those parties dressed like Bollywood movie stars. Gorgeous Sarees (Indian dress) beautiful vibrant colors, some sequined, celebrate lifesome shimmer with threads of gold or silver, 24-Karat gold bangles, necklaces and earrings.

I didn’t wear the traditional dresses – I felt like that would be phony somehow, but I do have many beautiful dresses that I would wear for those occasions – I am sure these women spent hundreds of dollars for one outfit mine were around $100.00 which for me is still a pretty penny for me.

And boy do they know how to party – dancing all night long and celebrating for whatever occasion gave them joy – that is not an exaggeration, I would want to go back to my room around one and that was early.

We also use to hold New Year’s Eve parties and people would come from everywhere. We would have traditional singers, and everything that goes with it. One of these event’s people were at my house until six in the morning..

Yes, my husband thrived on the energy of celebrating life – having  parties and going to them. He is an extrovert, and I am more of an introvert so you can see how he would drag me out of my shell.

That is one of the saddest things – he is now stuck in the house people really don’t stop by. I think they don’t realize just because my husband has dementia doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy their company.

I am really going to miss that lifestyle – the people and the glorious food, but most of all I miss my husband who brought such vibrancy and celebration into my life.

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The other day it was my dad’s birthday. He has been gone a little over five years it has gone so fast. There is no one like your parents or grandparents who love you more than anyone in the world. My dad would regularly tell me how proud he was of me: You are like your old man – an entrepreneur, free thinker, go getter. When he would introduce me, he would always say isn’t she beautiful (kind of embarrassing actually). As a teenager, he would give me advice like it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor one. It is just too bad I didn’t take his advice on that one LOL.  Dads Favorite Food

He had a one-of-a-kind quirky sense of humor, and people loved him. Always tinkering and inventing things he would pull me into all of his projects – to help. He was a recovering alcoholic, so we did 12 step cards, a 12 step game and on and on.

I walked into my neighborhood grocery store and decided to look at some baked goods. I do not really ever go in that direction because I am staying away from carbs… what did I see? A minced meat pie – yes my dad’s favorite. I never see that type of pie in a general store they are really hard to find. It hit me like a bolt of lightning – Dad! I could feel dad’s presence. he wanted to let me know he is still around – watching over me.

I said, “OK dad let’s celebrate in style” I bought the pie along with sardines and crackers. I went home and ate some of the food I remember my dad loving when I was a kid – the only thing that would make it more complete is if I would have through to pick up some Deviled ham and made a sandwich.

 

I love you dad!

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I love Christmas – one of my biggest wishes is that I would be able to buy Christmas gifts for everyone and not have a budget.

When I was younger even though we were poor by most standards, I loved everything I received  for Christmas. Like most kids, my grandparent gave us socks and underwear every year. One year looking-at-toysI went shopping with my Grandma and she was trying coats on me – I was about 9. I love the coat and thought she was shopping for me. When she found the one that fit me, and I loved she told me “I am buying this for Stephanie for Christmas” (she is my cousin who is the same age as I am). My heart was broken – I wanted to cry but didn’t…

As you can guess come Christmas morning – there was the coat under the tree…

My favorite Christmas(s) were those when my kids were little – being able to see the excitement as they sat on Santa’s knee. Getting up so early – because they just couldn’t sleep, I miss those times.

The last two years I have not had the Christmas spirit, and we have not put up a tree like we had all the other years. We are flying out of town on Christmas Eve so that is a good excuse for this year.

I went shopping this morning and bought some gift and lo and behold I was feeling a glimmer of my old self again, happy and excited.

I want to be able to be happy and joyous, but sadly I don’t think that will happen for a long time. My life as I knew it is rapidly changing it is so heart breaking; I am trying to find as much joy as I can each day God willing.

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