Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

What I know for Sure

“I know this path is one I need to take I have no choice…”

My emotions are so volatile. One minute I am seeing improvement in my husband the next I am worried I won’t have him for much longer.  I know Parkinson’s with Lewy Body does have this characteristic. Your body cannot regulate itself so one day your blood pressure may be high, and then it drops. One day it seems things are going well – the next not so much.

I quit my job at the state I had worked there for close to 16 yrs. Part time but it gave me full benefits so our insurance was great and paid for. I thenGiven Path also have my own business, when my husband became ill I could no longer run my business and just took on old clients no new ones.

I quit my job for many reasons, but in the end I know I needed to stay home with my husband. He will see my face when he wakes up and when he goes to bed. I can make sure that he gets what he needs, and I can take the precious time I have with him and soak it in.

He will be able to be fully covered on Medicare part A, so he doesn’t need any more insurance, and I have found affordable insurance for myself.

I am on the path I need to be and was guided to.  A year ago, I would not have known how I would be able to afford to live let alone quit my job.  Now through investments, I could  pay off my house, get a new car with cash and put money in the bank for my husband’s care. All because my husband was a very smart business man and left me the tools. It took lots of prayer and guidance, but you know when you are on the right track things fall into place.

And when you are following a voice that seems to guide you – things go the way they should. This is the second time during my life it is as if God just picked me up and showed me the way. I didn’t have a choice – the path was in front of me…

Thank You God…

 

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I needed professional help. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a
nervous breakdown.

I have a habit that as soon as I wake up. I turn on the TV usually to news to find out the latest, or so I thought. I subsequently found out it helped me tune out of reality – that and Cheetos.

The other morning I walked out from my room and sat upon the couch – pure silence, and suddenly I was pushed into the reality of what was happening in my life. I pondered the fact that I had no control over my destiny, and the truth that I would soon lose my husband. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I needed professional help.Professional help

It was almost a panic attack. When I went to work it was not much better – I told my friend, I could not do this, I just can’t. She said what work? No life – I cannot handle this… she quietly said, “why don’t you get some professional help”? I had already been thinking about it, so I made an appointment.

I couldn’t get in for two weeks – my therapist’s name is Paul. When I had my first appointment – I walked in and just unloaded on him. I told him about my sorrows, about my life, about my situation, about my childhood, first marriage you name it. It isn’t like me at all, and I surprised myself. I obviously needed someone I could just confide in, talk to.

It felt good to get it all off my chest – just to have someone listen. Toward the end of the session, he did teach me a tool to use that if I do it will help a great deal.

It is five steps and goes like this:

  1. Situation: (what is the situation that is causing you the most discomfort, stress)
  2. Emotions: (how do you feel when it is happening)
  3. Scale from: 1 – 10
  4. Thinking errors: (cognitive distortions)
    He gave me a two-page list of cognitive distortions to go through and check against my emotions.
  5. Re-write (What can logically be done when in that situation again.)

I found that after going through this exercise my anxiety level was down quite a bit, and I had really overblown
the outcome of that situations…

We will resume our sessions after the holidays – when he told me he wouldn’t be in until after the holiday season I thought: No wonder there are so many suicides during the holidays! Then it’s a good thing I am not thinking about suicide.

I would never joke with him on this – he would have to report it, and then think of the mess I would be in LOL.

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