Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

My Life

Life takes many twists and turns – this is my life’s path.

With each level of these diseases along with substantial life changes my strength is constantly tested.  I am afraid I am about to undergo one of the hardest things of all…

The last few days have been very emotional for me. My husband is going downhill – for the first time he didn’t know who I was it was just for a moment, but it is heart breaking.Strength

He is down to 125 lbs and at his healthy weight, he was 182 – the last time we weight him; he was 140 now 124 so skinny.

He is not making any sense at all – he jabbers in his language and when I can understand him, he worries about his grown kids being OK.  His kids never come and see him – his sons are too busy it breaks my heart. His daughter does and he is so happy when she, and his granddaughters come over.

It a misnomer to think he doesn’t know when people come to visit him. They are thinking that he doesn’t know who they are anyway – but he does feel their love and energy. He needs his children to come and just love him.

They are in their 40’s for god sake, it’s not like they are children.

I have always put off making funeral arrangements of any kind I thought when the time comes we will deal with it. Now that I really think the time is near, I am compelled to start getting things together. I don’t want all of his many brothers, sisters and children to come in and just take over.

It’s funny how as time goes on I am changing and rapidly. For the first time in my life I feel like an adult like I am stronger I didn’t realize the strength I had.  Having to take charge and figure everything out myself this last few year makes me realize how strong I really am.

Going through it I felt like I was going to fall to pieces I didn’t.

Now is the greatest test of all when I think of life without my husband I just want to melt into the floor and die…

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Celebrating life while you can…

I put on some Punjabi song videos for my husband, and it immediately reminded me of the life we once had. Sometimes you don’t appreciate it until it is gone. The dancing, parties and delicious Indian food – we would travel all over the United States to attend weddings, graduations, anniversary’s. The women who came to those parties dressed like Bollywood movie stars. Gorgeous Sarees (Indian dress) beautiful vibrant colors, some sequined, celebrate lifesome shimmer with threads of gold or silver, 24-Karat gold bangles, necklaces and earrings.

I didn’t wear the traditional dresses – I felt like that would be phony somehow, but I do have many beautiful dresses that I would wear for those occasions – I am sure these women spent hundreds of dollars for one outfit mine were around $100.00 which for me is still a pretty penny for me.

And boy do they know how to party – dancing all night long and celebrating for whatever occasion gave them joy – that is not an exaggeration, I would want to go back to my room around one and that was early.

We also use to hold New Year’s Eve parties and people would come from everywhere. We would have traditional singers, and everything that goes with it. One of these event’s people were at my house until six in the morning..

Yes, my husband thrived on the energy of celebrating life – having  parties and going to them. He is an extrovert, and I am more of an introvert so you can see how he would drag me out of my shell.

That is one of the saddest things – he is now stuck in the house people really don’t stop by. I think they don’t realize just because my husband has dementia doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy their company.

I am really going to miss that lifestyle – the people and the glorious food, but most of all I miss my husband who brought such vibrancy and celebration into my life.

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Real Love – True Spiritual Lasting Forever

I know I made the right decision when I walk into the room and his eyes light up, and he gives me that big beautiful smile.Real Love

When he can see me when he wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night.

When he says come over here – when he is waiting for me to come home.

When he has the dignity and love he deserves – and can get only at home.

“I love him so much – this is what real love is.”

Pure unadulterated LOVE

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