I have really been having problems lately. I broke my toe had some water on the tile floor, and I went flying OUCH. Then I strained my arm went swimming, and as I walked down the stairs, I was holding to the railing, and my feet went out from under me leaving me with pulled muscles on my left arm. I am left handed – but the crème da la crème is when I was helping my husband walk into the bathroom and he started to fall – I just automatically tried to catch him and I heard a POP in upper left arm. Now it looks like I have some deformation it hurts when I stretch it or pick something up. I cannot at this point put my husband in bed or take him out pain in the A**.
My daughter and brother keep telling me I need to go to the Dr. because if the tendons are tore, I may need them re-attached. That’s all I need is to have surgery on my arm – I just want to wait until it is healed, but now they are scaring me. I don’t want to waste the little time I have off going to the Dr., and I feel like I will be fine…
But what if…
Then my son talked to me and told me it needed attention now, or I could have permanent damage. That is that I decided to go and get it looked at my family Dr. wasn’t in, and I have limited time because Jayne is here on Mondays, so I went to the Instacare, the Dr. took x-rays to make sure I didn’t have any broken bones or fractures. I didn’t (which I knew) they gave me a card for an orthopedic sport Dr. I called him up, and I got in right away.
To make a long story short I ended up tearing the tendon it was completely detached from my elbow. I saw a sports orthopedic surgeon who said he had only seen a couple of women in his whole practice that this happened to… It figures, I would need surgery to reattach the tendon I would be in a cage/cast for six weeks and therapy for six weeks no lifting, etc.
I chose not to have it, the time I would take to heal would be too long; it is important I take care of my husband. He has to stay at home, he is so happy and well taken care of. We will see in the long term what difference it will make I can change my mind within the next two – three weeks. After that it would be much harder to re-attach.
I didn’t realize how physically challenging being a caregiver was.
When he can see me when he wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night.
When he says come over here – when he is waiting for me to come home.
When he has the dignity and love he deserves – and can get only at home.
“I love him so much – this is what real love is.”
I should have been posting articles; it has been a long time since I have. It almost seems that even though I quit my job, I am busier than ever and to walk upstairs to my office is too much. Ridiculous I know. My emotions are like a roller coaster, and sometime I feel like I am bi-polar.
As my husband slips deeper into his illness there are limited things he can do. He is having a very hard time walking so he is immobile. We have a routine; he usually sleeps late and when the CNA comes we wake him up, and I help her take him to the shower. With the help of both of us, we can get him into the shower; I have bought handles, so he can grab on and feel safe when he is stepping in but he is still full of fear that he is going to fall. It is quite an ordeal to get him to sit in the shower chair – once in a while he will refuse but most of the times we get him to sit.
Once he is showered shaved and cleaned up, he is helped into the front room/ kitchen area eats takes his medicine, and if I am lucky, he will take it without incidence sometimes he starts chewing getting confused about the difference between swallowing and chewing. I feed him if he just doesn’t seem to want to eat himself. I put on the TV even though I don’t think he can really understand it – sometimes he will talk back to the people on the TV. I also have cards I will give him, and if he is in the mood, he will play with them. When he is not in the mood for that he will want to finish his paperwork for his business, so I give him a red bag, and he will pull out papers and write on them gibberish. But to him – he is being productive.
He stays up around five hours, and then he is tired and wants to lie down. He wants me beside him and many times when I am not in the bedroom with him; he calls for me. He is in his hospital bed, and I will sit by him and hold hands, climb into bed with him or just lay on my bed beside him. We have a enormous TV on our wall that we watch. He will talk and chatter telling me things I cannot make out but I pretend to understand.
He is getting so skinny that it worries me. He is 5’10 when he was healthy he weighed 180 lbs. Now he is down to 140 as skinny as he is you would think that lifting his legs and helping him would be easier, but it isn’t his legs are like dead weight; I have hurt myself numerous times trying to help him. He just cannot move himself even when I help him into bed; I have to situate his body so that he isn’t crooked.
I have knots in my stomach – and I feel lost. I have never had to be alone like this before.
I want my husband back…