Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

Monthly Archives: February 2015

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I get so frustrated I am one of those people that want things to happen fast. I don’t want to have to wait; I don’t want to analyze or wait long periods to see results.Frustration, changing direction

In my business, I have to start from step one no matter what the project so my business life is fine it is in my personal life; I need help.

I also hate routine – it is boring and mundane. I think that is because I had never had a real routine as a child. Since my mom was fighting just to be able to stay alive of course some of those things went to the wayside.

As an adult even at my age to establish a routine is torturous add that to instant gratification it is not good in any situation. That is where I tell myself, I will start my diet later, clean my house or exercise tomorrow. This ends up being a disaster because tomorrow never comes.

I will go a few days eating healthy, but if I am offered a cinnamon roll with raisins (or whatever) I eat it after all one slipup won’t hurt.  If I were to do this once in a while that is fine, but once I have one I continue to eat badly, and it is almost like an addiction! I need to visualize that gold at the end of the rainbow. Know the sacrifice will be worth it in the end.

This is where I need a paradigm shift – I just have to remember the saying life is a journey not a destination…

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When I was young, my mom was sick and decided to have someone come in and help clean. I remember grumbling when she wanted me to clean – after all why clean when someone was coming to clean it made no sense.

Now 45 years later (I sound so old!) I am doing the same thing, and I completely understand. I have to clean up before the cleaning lady comes…understanding you parents, cleaning,

It is amazing how as we grow up, things seem to make so much more sense, and we understand that our parent did know what they were talking about.

Imagine that!

 

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Why do I get disappointed year after year – why should I be surprised? I guess it is because my husband knows how important holidays are to me, especially Valentine’s Day his attitude, So what. All I ask broken heart, valentines day sadness.is a token of his love even a card that would show me how important I am to him.

I don’t need an expensive gift or anything that is too outrageous just a card.  They say anger is really emotions that are not being dealt with – I can see that. After being together for over 20 years I would think he would get it especially when all week we have been talking about it. He even said to me the other night – we should have thought of it earlier and bought the grandchildren a Valentine’s Day card.  I wish I would have thought to do that too.  I am so busy in the day to day grind of trying to take care of him and working.

I feel like screaming really… I work so hard and fight so hard to try and make his life better, find any solution I can to help him live quality of life and stave off this illness. Does he really care – or am I just a caretaker and the sole thing that is important are his needs and wants? That is how I feel  today, like I have no value except to give him all the creature comforts because he is the only thing that has value in this house.

Over the years, there have been times – few and far between – he has given me cards one year even a gold bracelet. Even so, those are rare exceptions, unless I get mad or show him how upset, I am then he may run out and buy me a card or something, but that doesn’t count it is about doing something from you heart.

I am really easy to please; little things make me happy – a kind word, a card that expresses feeling, doing small things to show me you love me.

It is very hard to make my husband happy – if I get him a gift he doesn’t care for he grumbles and wants me to take it back. That was so hard to get use to I was taught to always be thankful for whatever anyone gave to me. It has made gift giving a bit of a disappointment. This year I saw his excitement over a watch that someone was wearing – so I tracked down the watch bought it for him this Valentine’s Day. I put it on the counter, so he would find it when he woke up – with a beautiful card, he loved it – I am glad he did. I actually feel better now having vented.

I don’t know why I don’t realize it is not going to happen – I guess I am just a hopeless romantic… 

Update – He Just Walked In With Flowers and a Card I must have given him the Stink Eye! Better late then never…

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