Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

Monthly Archives: February 2013

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I feel such a sense of loss. There is a big pit in my stomach – even though I still have my husband the reality has set in and I am really emotional about it. I did some research on Lewy Body Dementia and my glimmer of hope slowly faded into a deep dark hole.

No more research…

I have noticed signs that his disease is progressing – he talks to me in his native language a Prayer for Peacelot and when I tell him speak English – he really has to think. He thinks we are not at home but somewhere else. Not all the time but enough that I am really feeling scared. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to see him go through this pain, I want to scream – why, why, why…

I thought that I would be able to live without the pain of seeing a loved on suffer  at least have a rest from the pain – my mom suffered so much in her lifetime.

 

But now it is my husband – how am I going to survive this?

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Okay, I have to say that I feel a little bad for being so harsh on Valentine’s Day. The next day my husband handed me a valentines day card that was simply beautiful. This is how it read:

 

Repentant wife

For My Wife

Love isn’t hearts and flowers, those sweet words have their place.

It’s rainy days made sunny by the bright smile on your face.

It’s the little daily triumphs I can’t wait to share with you.

It’s all the random rough spots that we help each other through.

Is the way that you accept me my good points, faults, and all.

It’s knowing  you support me and feeling 10 feet tall.

It’s warnings in the kitchen. It’s cuddling up at night.

This is love, the daily stuff.  And we sure got it right.

 

Hearts and flowers are beautiful, but what we have day in and day out while we share life together is more beautiful still.

I love our life together… And I love you.

Happy Valentine’s Day

 

Isn’t  that beautiful I now feel like I’m such a complainer! He should have known to do it the date of correct? He  did buy me some expensive perfume I ended up ordering. it didn’t feel like that counted. How childish of me,  I should understand, he doesn’t  know the computer very well. With his Parkinson’s he sometimes has a hard time communicating and getting around. He just forgets his thoughts once in a while, and he slow so it may make them feel inferior getting out into the world.

I need to pray at night for acceptance – and always remember he is struggling himself.

 Dear Lord,

Please help me with my faults, help me to be patient and kind to my husband.
even when he may not deserve it.

Amen…

 

Life is a journey- and a bumpy one at that…

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Valentines – one of my  favorite days of the year – and  I am very  emotional when my husband doesn’t care.

 

We have been together over 20 years and there has never been a time when I can say he has gone over the top on valentine’s day or Christmas for that matter.  I tell him how it makes me feel loved when I get special gifts or recognition’s on holidays – does it matter to him? Obviously not – I woke up this morning, and I got a parcel I bought with his credit card but not a card.  It isn’t the money spent it is the fact that he would spend time to find me a card that really means something,  me a thoughtful gift; it isn’t the monetary value of the gift.  It is the fact that he took the time to find something that is meaningful.

My first husband as big a cad as he was he always gave me cards and gifts on every occasion.  But then he was a philandering  jerk, so I guess he knew how to put on a show – and he knew what women liked.  If I had to make a

Happy Valentine's Day

choice of one or the other, I would rather not get gifts or cards but why do I have to choose?

Is it a passive-aggressive  thing that my husband is doing or is he just not that into it and figures he doesn’t care so why should I?…

I take care of him – cater to him, when I am home, he never cooks a meal, in fact; he has never made me breakfast. Maybe I taught him how to treat me, and maybe I need to just not expect great things on special occasions.

He has bought me beautiful gold bracelets and other things out of the blue but not on holidays – so how strange that he just doesn’t recognize me on that special day.

Do other women have this problem? Or am I making too big of a deal out of it.

At my age you would think I would just say so what, but I am really emotional.

Maybe in my next life I will find a man who really cares enough to make sure I am the happiest girl in the world. One can dream…

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