Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…


Nothing can give us as much joy or pain as family and those we love

Real Love – True Spiritual Lasting Forever

I know I made the right decision when I walk into the room and his eyes light up, and he gives me that big beautiful smile.Real Love

When he can see me when he wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night.

When he says come over here – when he is waiting for me to come home.

When he has the dignity and love he deserves – and can get only at home.

“I love him so much – this is what real love is.”

Pure unadulterated LOVE

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I have started feeding my husband more finger foods – I do still make curry and tradition Indian food, but I usually feed him with that. The other night I gave him curried chicken with Nan (bread) when the Nan was gone; he was rolling it up with the paper towel and eating it.

A few nights ago I cut up some little crusty sandwiches and made some spicy – sweet honey mustard. He loved it – he was chowing Spicy Mustarddown and ate the whole small bowl of spicy mustard with it. At 3 in the morning, he wakes up with tremendous pain in his bottom left rib. Moaning and seeming out of breath. I tried to make him comfortable nothing worked so I called the nurse who had me open up the emergency pack she gave me. Inside were different syringes of medicine one of them was morphine. He doesn’t take any pain medication, so I was really hesitant to give it to him, but the nurse reassured me. It was a very small dose.

Then I gave him a Zanax because he was so upset and making things worse. He fell asleep as I was looking up what it could be on my phone the number one this was heartburn, indigestion. I know that can cause severe sharp pains – I believe it was the mustard he ate didn’t agree with him.

Years ago, I had a dog named Willey, and I would feed him table scraps, one day I  feed him some spicy mustard to see what he would do. He ended up with pancreatitis,  I had to spend over 1000.00 to get him well.

I almost killed my dog with mustard and now my husband.

The next day he would not get up he just sleep no pills no eating no drinking. I was worried he is already dehydrated. The nurse came his vitals are OK the medicine just knocked him for a loop. Then yesterday we got him out of bed, but he really didn’t know what was going on. He was unaware of anything and was just wide-eyed and tarring. When I would talk to him, he would answer back but not in a way I could understand.

Now I am really worried – maybe I shouldn’t have given him the medicine could that have caused him to digress, will he get any better.

My heart  is breaking into a million pieces….

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Life is Hard – Where is the Joy?

OK – I have had a rough day or two, and I am trying to grapple with it all. I feel totally alone in the world I have family; my husband has family, but they are busy in their lives.

My husband will not believe I don’t have lovers, there is nothing I can say or do. I am with him 99% of Life is Hardthe time, and it is truly getting to me.

We should have such a close bond right now I am helping him dress, get in and out of bed making all the meals, being the chauffeur, and taking care of the house. I am working and carrying his insurance that gives him top notch care what more can I do.

He has always been a difficult person – but at least he lived in reality.  I think I am going to need to tap into some counseling. My insurance does have that option I just don’t feel I can afford the time – I will try other things first, but I think I may be running out of options.


“I have heard every cloud has a silver lining – I am still looking for it.”

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