Living In Truth

Why do I get disappointed year after year – why should I be surprised? I guess it is because my husband knows how important holidays are to me, especially Valentine’s Day his attitude, So what. All I ask is a token of his love even a card that would show me how important I am to him.

I don’t need an expensive gift or anything that is too outrageous just a card.  They say anger is really emotions that are not being dealt with – I can see that. After being together for over 20 years I would think he would get it especially when all week we have been talking about it. He even said to me the other night – we should have thought of it earlier and bought the grandchildren a Valentine’s Day card.  I wish I would have thought to do that too.  I am so busy in the day to day grind of trying to take care of him and working.

I feel like screaming really… I work so hard and fight so hard to try and make his life better, find any solution I can to help him live quality of life and stave off this illness. Does he really care – or am I just a caretaker and the sole thing that is important are his needs and wants? That is how I feel  today, like I have no value except to give him all the creature comforts because he is the only thing that has value in this house.

Over the years, there have been times – few and far between – he has given me cards one year even a gold bracelet. Even so, those are rare exceptions, unless I get mad or show him how upset, I am then he may run out and buy me a card or something, but that doesn’t count it is about doing something from you heart.

I am really easy to please; little things make me happy – a kind word, a card that expresses feeling, doing small things to show me you love me.

It is very hard to make my husband happy – if I get him a gift he doesn’t care for he grumbles and wants me to take it back. That was so hard to get use to I was taught to always be thankful for whatever anyone gave to me. It has made gift giving a bit of a disappointment. This year I saw his excitement over a watch that someone was wearing – so I tracked down the watch bought it for him this Valentine’s Day. I put it on the counter, so he would find it when he woke up – with a beautiful card, he loved it – I am glad he did. I actually feel better now having vented.

I don’t know why I don’t realize it is not going to happen – I guess I am just a hopeless romantic… 

Update – He Just Walked In With Flowers and a Card I must have given him the Stink Eye! Better late then never…