Family is Everything

“My sadness is deep and raw.
My heart bleeds,
Thanks you family for helping me breathe”

My daughter decided to come to my house for Noah’s birthday, my grandson is turning 9. They were going to hold it in Idaho Falls but because of recent decline of my husband, they Family Foreverwanted to spend the time down here. Then my son wanted to bring his family down as well so I had all 6 little grand kids here. Noah is the oldest.

It was amazing, totally amazing when the grand kids came my husband had the biggest smile upon his face. I have not seen that smile in a long-time  – it lasted a good 30 minutes not kidding the kids were kissing him and holding his hands.

I have such caring children – they are not children anymore on is 36 and one is 39 but they will always be my children Everyone doted on grandpa  they  sat with him held his hand talked to him.

His eyes are so dull but that smile – it made me so happy. And it made him so happy to have the little ones around loving on him. I love my kids they are so thoughtful and loving it made my day…

My brother came as well; he came early in the morning on Thursday to be with us. He also lives out of town.

I am so thankful to have my family by my side – I don’t know what I would do without them …

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Stress – Total Melt Down

Stress can kill you I am convinced.

Last night, I had a meltdown. My body is feeling the effects of stress it aches and I have pains in my foot and leg. I was really thinking I am going to be completely physically disabled by the time this happens. You may think I am being dramatic but I am not. Seriously – I still cannot cry I think if I could it would really help.

I came to the realization today that I am fighting against what is happening  that is what’s tearing me apart.  I am not in the acceptance phase – I need to accept what is happening and move through the pain. When I am worried and pushing against it that makes it much more painful.

I ask God to help me find acceptance and peace. I need to find peace even if it is just for a short time.

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Last Rites

My heart fell when the nurse said I think it is time to contact the priest for last rights.

There has been a shift – I cannot even explain it but my husband seems to have taken a Last Riteschange for the worst. I felt it yesterday when we put him in his chair. He was smiling and interactive, but I felt something was different.

This morning I felt it more. He isn’t focusing his eyes on me. He is like in a trance. He is talking to someone and reaching up, but in a different way than he has before.  No smile, it is like he is looking past, me when I look into his eyes. I told him I loved him, and he did say I Iove you too in a soft whisper.

Kenna our CNA saw something different as well so we kept him in bed. Dolly our nurse came and could see a change. His vitals were OK, but his pulse was up and blood pressure was down. She told me to talk with his brother, so we can get a priest over for last rites. And she doesn’t want me to be alone tonight – she doesn’t know if it is  a few days or a few weeks, but he is definitely on a downward spiral…

God help me my hearts in your hands.

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