In Shock

I was in shock  like a zombie I walked around not even knowing what to do. My mind couldn’t comprehend the loss.

As you can probably tell I am writing this more than a month after this occurred because I couldn’t write anything without breaking down.

The days leading to his funeral were tense, and I was in a fog. All his siblings were out of town for the Thanksgiving Holiday, and I ended up telling them over the phone. As I told each one, you could tell the breath was knocked out of them, they were speechless. No matter how prepared you think you are it still hits you in the gut.Shock

Samina (my husbands daughter) was at my house more than not and we mourned together. She kept telling me again and again she didn’t want to lose me. She loved me and always wanted me in their lives – ditto I told her.

Because I have never really been to a Catholic funeral, I was confused, but I soon found out how to navigate some of the waters. We had the viewing in the cathedral right before the Mass then after the mass we were to have about 30 minutes for music and a few words about my husband.

I wanted two people to talk a good friend and his nephew. Since it was a time crunch, I didn’t think I could have anyone else.

It was a week before the funeral so everyone could fly in. During that time, I was able to get a reference for the burial and went with them. I bought a beautiful casket, put red roses on top of the casket his favorite flower.

I had my brother go and make sure my husband look natural in the coffin – he ended up having the make changed so I am glad I had him go over.

Rough week – lots of breakdowns I was in shock and still am to some degree.

My family were the best, they did not let me be alone for three weeks. My daughter stayed with me for two weeks, my son for three days and my brother in-between.

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About Sarah Maude

My life has been full of twists and turns. I have been wanting to do a personal blog for a long time and so here it goes. To know who I am and what I am about - subscribe! Looking forward to your comments.
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