I did get a glimpse of the road ahead and it is pretty scary…
My husband has been sleeping more and when he is awake doesn’t make sense at all. Often he thinks he is somewhere else. He said to me the other night as clear as day “all that matters is hugs and kisses” well, that is and has always been my priority hugging and kissing him throughout the day.
It was my granddaughters 6th birthday, and she was having a surprise party but she lives out of state. Luckily, I was able to get a team of caregivers to take care of my husband. I headed out to my daughter’s house, so we could drive together. It was so nice to be with all my grand-kids and family members that day but I couldn’t help but feel melancholy. When I mentioned it on the ride home my daughter wisely said “of course mom you 
are in the mourning process”.
Wise daughter that is exactly true as my husband gets worse I enter another phase, and it does cause me to be on a roller-coaster ride of emotions.
I was caught off guard. However, when we pulled up to my daughter’s house and proceeded to take the kids in with all their toys. Because it was late and there was quite a bit of stuff she said to just put it in the van, we will take it in tomorrow. When I opened the van door, my eyes filled with tears – all the memories of the van flooded through my mind. I could just see my husband sitting in the driver’s seat, he loved that van. We even slept in the back on an air mattress when camping or glamping (meaning camping with flair).
I gave the van to my daughter, they needed a second vehicle; I had bought a new car and we didn’t need two vehicles.
If a simple van causes me so much pain what’s going to happen when he is finally gone?
away in his own language but still happy…