In October I was sure I was going to lose my husband he was so sick, sleeping 90% of the time and just not interactive unaware of conversations. He was making no sense at all speaking about abstract things throughout the day. As you can tell in my last few posts I was trying to keep calm and not panic but I couldn’t keep it together.
Then the last week of October he seemed to come alive again – more present and awake much more during the day. That is the thing about this disease it is a roller coaster but as the time wains his good days get less. The fact he had another bounce back was a relief.
You may think I am selfish for wanting him here and I think about that. I feel his love and we connect in a much more spiritual way so yes in that sense I am selfish and want him here. On the other hand I know he doesn’t have the life he would want.
I have to realize at this point it is all in Gods hands
My niece and her family came, but my husband was sleeping the whole time. When he heard Brandy’s voice, he lifted his hand but still slept. Around 10 minutes before they went home, he woke up and smiled a big smile. I was so happy he could get hugs and kisses, especially from the little ones.
Yesterday Jaynie said he was doing really well she came over to take care of my husband
like every Monday to give me time to get things done and just get away. I pay her for five hours, she is now like a family member to us. She is the best care taker, and we love her.
I was able to go up to the canyon and (finally) see the fall leaves. It is a bit late in the season some trees didn’t have leaves anymore, but it was still beautiful. And I love the streams cutting through the mountains.
I am trying to come to grips with everything, finding my way to cope. I am strong I know it, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that – especially when I think I am doing OK and then some said something simple, and the tears want to flow…