Speeding Towards a Head On Collision

Posted on August 26, 2016 by Sarah Maude

I am speeding towards a head on collision and I cannot stop it. The impact is going to be earth shattering.

I feel so overwhelmed most of the time I am so sad about this, I just want to dig in my heels and say “NO NO NO” I am not going on this journey. I’m not doing it!

My husband is regressing and is having problems with most everything. Direction, movement, thought woman in destressprocess and bathroom issues. I get him up put on his clothes and shoes for him. I point him to which room he wants to go because he gets confused. I shave him – I actually like it I feel closer to him.

I waver from being resigned and trying to do the best I can to totally stressing out and wanting to shut down. My sister is helping me without her I would not know what to do. Home health is between 19.00 and 23.00 an hour who has that type of money?

As stressed as I am financially – emotionally I am drained just the thought of being without my husband makes me want to fall to the ground. I am paying my sister $10.00 an hour. It adds up to a minimum of 800.00 a month, and I am only working part time. I am basically trading my pay check for my husbands care – but I still have the great insurance that is giving us the best neurologists available.

There is always a silver lining (I think…)

Share This Post

Posted in Dementia, Losing Loved Ones | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Astrology – It is In The Stars

Posted on June 24, 2016 by Sarah Maude

Astrology has gotten a bad rap…

I tell you there is something to be said about astrology and having a reading with a reputable professional.  I have found that person in Maria DeSimone

I had  my natal chart read yesterday, and it was just amazing – it was a bit pricey, but it really put into Skeptical about Astrologycontext my life and tendencies. I have been having my four pillar report done that has helped as well, but this gave me a timeline for the next year and pointed out thing in my life that were right on target, especially in the past.

I felt like I was in quick sand and needed some direction. My husbands terminal illness seems to be getting worse – I am now dressing him, and it is so sad and devastating to both of us. I felt like I was in quick sand, and I needed a rope. I had been wanting to get a reading but now was the perfect time.

In astrology it is not just about your sun sign but so much more. If in doubt get your natal chart and have it read.

In reference to the months that lay ahead Maria told me it would be a really hard October, and that I will realize I need more help with him.

By January, I will have to hire help or make some changes in my living arrangement – March; he will really be lacking in memory and cognition. Then in October 2017 she didn’t say it, but it sounds like he may be at the end of his journey. Oh I just hate this …

She said when I was 29. I had a karmic experience – or started one. So true: “Problems with an abusive marriage – culminating in me leaving by picking up my kids and leaving everything behind. It was almost as if it wasn’t even a choice anymore – Like god picked me up and took us away from the situation… with nothing but clothes and kids (material things can always be replaced) yes, I would say that was a Karmic situation.

She said I am now going through another one, and it is hard. I guess it is in the stars, but it sucks…

Share This Post

Posted in My Life | 2 Comments

Has He Fallen?

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Sarah Maude

Well after all these years of being asked, “has he fallen” and being able to say “no” it has now come to pass.

I don’t know how he had fallen, but it was next to impossible to get him up – it is like he doesn’t know how to use his own body to get up. truly strange – he just doesn’t know what I am saying, and it is frustrating especially when I am trying to help him up – but he wants me to pick him up.

My mom being a paraplegic would occasionally fall out of bed because she missed the wheel chair as she was transferring. I would have to pick her up because she had no use of her legs, but still she would help with her arms.  My husband couldn’t figure out what to do when I was instructing him. He kept asking me to call the police. NO – IFallen - falling down will call your brother before I call the police was my response.

I ended up dragging him (I have hard wood floors thank goodness) from the living room to the bedroom. After what seemed an eternity I got behind him to lift him up under his arms, and he was able to understand to push up with his feet. Success! I got him back in bed around 6:30 in the morning.

Scenario: We went to bed a later than usual, so I was exhausted.  About 2 in the morning, he was up getting dressed wanting to leave. As usual, I was trying to convince him he was home please lay down, but it went on and on. By 4:30 in the morning, I was exhausted and had to work the next day, so I laid down and fell asleep – all keys had been put where he couldn’t find them.

I was awakened out of a deep sleep with him saying Sarah help me, help me. I bolted out of bed to find him in the doorway of our downstairs (very steep) door wide open; he was laying there with his slippers on the top stair. It could have been so much worse if he fell  down the basement. Then I noticed he had my keys lying by his feet “OMG” how did he get those!

Note to Self: I must now hide the keys in a better spot – all I could think last night was about the commercial “help I have fallen and can’t get up” I have a strange mind…

P.S. I just found out he was coming up the stairs when he fell at the top step whew scary.

Share This Post

Posted in Challenges, Dementia, Growing Older, Parkinson's Disease | Leave a comment