Professional Help

I needed professional help. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a
nervous breakdown.

I have a habit that as soon as I wake up. I turn on the TV usually to news to find out the latest, or so I thought. I subsequently found out it helped me tune out of reality – that and Cheetos.

The other morning I walked out from my room and sat upon the couch – pure silence, and suddenly I was pushed into the reality of what was happening in my life. I pondered the fact that I had no control over my destiny, and the truth that I would soon lose my husband. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I needed professional help.Professional help

It was almost a panic attack. When I went to work it was not much better – I told my friend, I could not do this, I just can’t. She said what work? No life – I cannot handle this… she quietly said, “why don’t you get some professional help”? I had already been thinking about it, so I made an appointment.

I couldn’t get in for two weeks – my therapist’s name is Paul. When I had my first appointment – I walked in and just unloaded on him. I told him about my sorrows, about my life, about my situation, about my childhood, first marriage you name it. It isn’t like me at all, and I surprised myself. I obviously needed someone I could just confide in, talk to.

It felt good to get it all off my chest – just to have someone listen. Toward the end of the session, he did teach me a tool to use that if I do it will help a great deal.

It is five steps and goes like this:

  1. Situation: (what is the situation that is causing you the most discomfort, stress)
  2. Emotions: (how do you feel when it is happening)
  3. Scale from: 1 – 10
  4. Thinking errors: (cognitive distortions)
    He gave me a two-page list of cognitive distortions to go through and check against my emotions.
  5. Re-write (What can logically be done when in that situation again.)

I found that after going through this exercise my anxiety level was down quite a bit, and I had really overblown
the outcome of that situations…

We will resume our sessions after the holidays – when he told me he wouldn’t be in until after the holiday season I thought: No wonder there are so many suicides during the holidays! Then it’s a good thing I am not thinking about suicide.

I would never joke with him on this – he would have to report it, and then think of the mess I would be in LOL.

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About Sarah Maude

My life has been full of twists and turns. I have been wanting to do a personal blog for a long time and so here it goes. To know who I am and what I am about - subscribe! Looking forward to your comments.
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