I needed professional help. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a
nervous breakdown.
I have a habit that as soon as I wake up. I turn on the TV usually to news to find out the latest, or so I thought. I subsequently found out it helped me tune out of reality – that and Cheetos.
The other morning I walked out from my room and sat upon the couch – pure silence, and suddenly I was pushed into the reality of what was happening in my life. I pondered the fact that I had no control over my destiny, and the truth that I would soon lose my husband. I felt I couldn’t deal with all these things swirling through my head; I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I needed professional help.
It was almost a panic attack. When I went to work it was not much better – I told my friend, I could not do this, I just can’t. She said what work? No life – I cannot handle this… she quietly said, “why don’t you get some professional help”? I had already been thinking about it, so I made an appointment.
I couldn’t get in for two weeks – my therapist’s name is Paul. When I had my first appointment – I walked in and just unloaded on him. I told him about my sorrows, about my life, about my situation, about my childhood, first marriage you name it. It isn’t like me at all, and I surprised myself. I obviously needed someone I could just confide in, talk to.
It felt good to get it all off my chest – just to have someone listen. Toward the end of the session, he did teach me a tool to use that if I do it will help a great deal.
It is five steps and goes like this:
- Situation: (what is the situation that is causing you the most discomfort, stress)
- Emotions: (how do you feel when it is happening)
- Scale from: 1 – 10
- Thinking errors: (cognitive distortions)
He gave me a two-page list of cognitive distortions to go through and check against my emotions. - Re-write (What can logically be done when in that situation again.)
I found that after going through this exercise my anxiety level was down quite a bit, and I had really overblown
the outcome of that situations…
We will resume our sessions after the holidays – when he told me he wouldn’t be in until after the holiday season I thought: No wonder there are so many suicides during the holidays! Then it’s a good thing I am not thinking about suicide.
I would never joke with him on this – he would have to report it, and then think of the mess I would be in LOL.
