Being a Caretaker is Not an Option…

I just don’t understand how anybody could think any differently.

People are constantly telling me what a good person I am for taking care of my husband. Our marriage vows say, “Until Death do us Part” right?

When you love someone so much that you marry them how could you conceive of anything else. To me, it isn’t an option – if I love you, I love you forever. It doesn’t matter who you are: a spouse, parent, child. You care of them as long as humanly possible

Being a caretaker isn’t easy, and it is one of the hardest things in life: It is hard; emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Being a caretaker is a challenge and it takes its toll, but it is life. Caretaker My husband didn’t ask for this condition, he should be able to live at home as long as physically possible. This gives him comfort the only stability he has left.

I lay by him at night and just kiss his face, hold his hands, feel his skin. This is so important to me; I know our time is limited, and I want to touch him, kiss him, hug him and help him as long as possible.

I know my life is about to change drastically,  I don’t know how I will get through it in one piece. The one comfort I have is I do believe in life after death – and I will see him again.

That still doesn’t blunt the pain of losing him, having a totally different life what a void, there will be.

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Hospice a Difficult Decision

I am having a lot of problems remembering simple things – atHospice - comfort care night I cannot sleep so that is no help. I finally made the decision to put Aziz on hospice. The nurse will be coming over tonight, so I can sign the paperwork.

Yesterday was not so good; my back was hurting and I was very down and frustrated.

Trying to get my husband out of bed was hard. He just didn’t understand what he needed to do.

He is pulling back instead of letting me help him sit up, so much resistance. He thinks he is doing what he needs to do. It makes me so sad.

Now that I have decided to put him on hospice, he will be getting the equipment he needs, and I will be getting more help. I really need the help…

We are going to call it comfort care; it is so much better and doesn’t sound like I am putting him on death row… That’s how I feel…

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Good and Bad Days

Good and bad days – seems to be the order of the day. For a good week or so I really thought I was not going to be able to take care of my husband at home. He couldn’t walk, and I would push him good and bad days have Faitharound on his walker (with a seat). That wasn’t the scary part; he would actually look like he was becoming catatonic and buckled, no matter how I tried to get a response I couldn’t. Usually small periods of time but there was an incident when he was out longer I almost wanted to call 911.

I don’t want to get doctors involved that don’t know his history – it is really dangerous and can actually kill him if they give him drugs for Alzheimer’s instead of Lewy Body. They are both dementia but are different in some ways including how the brain reacts to chemicals.

I took his blood pressure and it was low so I took him off his blood pressure medication. Have not had many incidences since – maybe that is what it is and we dodged a bullet.

 

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