Stress – Getting Fat and Growing Bald

It had been 4 months since I have had a haircut I was looking like a shaggy dog – I finally had someone come in for just one hour, so I Stresscould get my hair cut.

The beautician was commenting on how broken my hair was – she had never seen it this way.  She said it could be because of stress, who knew not only would my hair fall out – it would become brittle and broken!

My hair is also falling out at an alarming pace, thank goodness for Joan (Joan Rivers Great Hair Day) !  I have  tried many products but hers works the very best, a bit pricey but worth it.

Since I am now getting fat and “bald” I decided to go and get some supplements that may help – Costco here I come. I found it “Beautiful Hair Skin & Nails” is what it is called.

Stress - great help...

I went home and opened the bottle to take the supplement right away. You would not believe what I saw – the most beautiful pills I have ever seen! Seriously – small oval shaped that were a dark silvery pink. I just had to laugh “marketing” yes, yes I thought that was exactly what I need a beautiful pill to give me beautiful hair.

I had to laugh out loud… “Only In America”

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Courage – My 2017 Word of The Year

It took me a while to come up with a word for 2017 – Initially I was going to use discover – I even made a graphic for it. But then I realized through my sadness and pain – I am just not there yet.

My life’s circumstances are devastating to say the least so no, not discover – then it came to me “strength”. Yes, I need strength to make it through this year. However, when I decided to look up, the exact meaning of the word it really didn’t fit – I need not only physical strength but also spiritual and mental strength.

I have finally found the word I need for 2017 and it is “COURAGE”

Yes I am going to have to really come to grips with my life and the total devastation that I will feel when I finally lose my husband. I touch his face and hold his hand at night when we sleep – with a deep sense of love and sadness.

I feel that the next holiday season will be spent alone… nothing anyone can really ever prepare for, the loss of a spouse – a hole through my heart – devastation in my soul…

Yes the perfect word for 2017 is Courage…

Courage to live life.

 

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A Very Sad Christmas 2016

It is Christmas day, and I must say a really sad one.

I kissed my husband on the cheek and said Merry Christmas – knowing he probably doesn’t even know it is Christmas.

We had a family party at my daughters, and I loved seeing all my grand-kids but as Aziz sat on the recliner with a blank look in his face, it was heart Sad, God, Christmasbreaking; I just couldn’t feel joy.

I am so thankful for my family for being there for me. My brother came over and drove the van to the family party that was 1 ½ away and drove home. It was very emotionally exhausting, and yesterday I didn’t even want any company at all. I slept until I had to get up and get my husband dressed – around 11.

Usually, I get up several hours earlier so I can clean up, get dressed and ready for the day before I get him up. Getting him up has gotten harder and harder because he doesn’t know how to stand up – he pulls back instead of going forward. Usually, I get him up and put him on the seat of the walker, take him to the bathroom, so he can swish, and brush his teeth but sadly. Sometimes he forgets how to swish or brush his teeth.

I feel this is the last Christmas I will have my husband and I cannot help but feel like crying. I think the fact that my sister committed suicide on Christmas Eve doesn’t help even if it was 35 years ago. It never goes away.

I just have to believe there is a reason and leave it in God’s hands – but boy is it hard.

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