Last Rites

My heart fell when the nurse said I think it is time to contact the priest for last rights.

There has been a shift – I cannot even explain it but my husband seems to have taken a Last Riteschange for the worst. I felt it yesterday when we put him in his chair. He was smiling and interactive, but I felt something was different.

This morning I felt it more. He isn’t focusing his eyes on me. He is like in a trance. He is talking to someone and reaching up, but in a different way than he has before.  No smile, it is like he is looking past, me when I look into his eyes. I told him I loved him, and he did say I Iove you too in a soft whisper.

Kenna our CNA saw something different as well so we kept him in bed. Dolly our nurse came and could see a change. His vitals were OK, but his pulse was up and blood pressure was down. She told me to talk with his brother, so we can get a priest over for last rites. And she doesn’t want me to be alone tonight – she doesn’t know if it is  a few days or a few weeks, but he is definitely on a downward spiral…

God help me my hearts in your hands.

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Its in Gods Hands

In October I was sure I was going to lose my husband he was so sick, sleeping 90% of the time and just not interactive unaware of conversations.  He was making no sense at all speaking about abstract things throughout the day. As you can tell in my last few posts I was trying to keep calm and not panic but I couldn’t keep it together.

Then the last week of October he seemed to come alive again – more present and awake In Gods Handsmuch more during the day. That is the thing about this disease it is a roller coaster but as the time wains his good days get less.  The fact he had another bounce back was a relief.

You may think I am selfish for wanting him here and I think about that. I feel his love and we connect in a much more spiritual way so yes in that sense I am selfish and want him here. On the other hand I know he doesn’t have the life he would want.

I have to realize at this point it is all in Gods hands

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Strong – I Pray

StrongI know I am a strong woman I have been through a lot in my life but everyone has a breaking point and I am close to mine …

I just have to remember the saying

God Doesn’t Give You More Than You Can handle


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