Living In Truth

Personal Stories of Triumph, Pain and Everything In-between…

I have an incomprehensible fear I cannot explain. Fear of Fear of loss the unknown, living life without my husband, not knowing what to do with my life.

My husband is bigger than life its self; he fills a room with his energy and even now that he is so sick it cannot be ignored.

Always on the go not a lazy bone in his body – now with his illness, it can be a problem he is so antsy and cannot stay still, wanting to get up and go to work, go home, see his mother. The problem stems from the fact his is retired, is home and his mother passed away many years ago.

Dementia is such a cruel thing and along with Parkinson’s it is a double whammy – in the beginning, I would have to take him out and drive him around and come back home then he would be satisfied. Now that he is having trouble getting around that hasn’t been so easy. Usually, I can divert his attention.

I know many people are going through this or have and only those of us who have had this challenge can really understand what it does to our spirit, body and soul. This realization doesn’t really stop me from feeling alone.

No one can stop this, and no one can make it better…

I have to go through the pain to get to the other side – it is excruciating .


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Guilty pleasures or just self-sabotage?

I am really going insane – it seems I cannot stop eating Cheetos and drinking Rockstars. Every day I swear “NO I AM NOT GOING TO!”

Yet here I am another day indulging in my new guilty pleasures. Worse yet empty calories, plus I cannot afford the consequences of this choice.

I am already so stressed it seems this is what I am driven to. Guilty PleasuresJunk food and casino games, yes you heard it those stupid little games on your phone I just get lost in them.

Talk about unproductive – I have zillions of things to do on top of taking care of my husband. I just don’t have the desire to do anything else.

That is why last night when I answered the door with frizzled hair-like strands of spaghetti, my house a total disaster I didn’t care until I saw my husband’s son and daughter the son whom we have not seen for six months. Yes the snobby son who likes the finer things in life…

Why do people not understand, PLEASE CALL before coming – at least I can start throwing things into the bedroom or something?…

Yes, that is right – things are that pathetic and out of control right now…

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