Guilty pleasures or just self-sabotage?
I am really going insane – it seems I cannot stop eating Cheetos and drinking Rockstars. Every day I swear “NO I AM NOT GOING TO!”
Yet here I am another day indulging in my new guilty pleasures. Worse yet empty calories, plus I cannot afford the consequences of this choice.
I am already so stressed it seems this is what I am driven to. Junk food and casino games, yes you heard it those stupid little games on your phone I just get lost in them.
Talk about unproductive – I have zillions of things to do on top of taking care of my husband. I just don’t have the desire to do anything else.
That is why last night when I answered the door with frizzled hair-like strands of spaghetti, my house a total disaster I didn’t care until I saw my husband’s son and daughter the son whom we have not seen for six months. Yes the snobby son who likes the finer things in life…
Why do people not understand, PLEASE CALL before coming – at least I can start throwing things into the bedroom or something?…
Yes, that is right – things are that pathetic and out of control right now…
I am sitting here working in my office and I hear a little bird chirp. It is September and that usually doesn’t happen until the spring.
It makes me feel happy like when there is a long cold winter and the snow has melted – and the signs of spring start showing up.
I always feel like spring is a reminder of the renewal of life. A sign that everything is going to be OK…
Maybe the bird is to remind me of that – I am in such a sad transition in my life.
Is it a sign – everything will be OK in the end ?
My husband has what Robin Williams had Lewy Body Dementia & Parkinsonism.
I recently found an article that Robin Williams wife wrote for the “Official Journal of the American Academy of Neurology.”
The Dr. had diagnosed Parkinson’s while Robin Williams was alive but could never figure out why the hallucinations and dementia type symptoms. Finding the answer only after his death, when the autopsy was performed.
I am lucky that we found such good doctors right way – my husband was diagnosed properly, we may not be to stop it the Lewy Body Dementia or Parkinson’s, but I knew from the beginning what we were dealing with.
I am posting a portion of the article here and link to the whole article. The following paragraph describes my husband exactly. The whole article will help explain Lewy Body Dementia.
The Terrorist Inside my Husband’s Brain
Susan Schneider Williams, BFA
Robin was growing weary. The parkinsonian mask was ever present and his voice was weakened. His left hand tremor was continuous now and he had a slow, shuffling gait. He hated that he could not find the words he wanted in conversations. He would thrash at night and still had terrible insomnia. At times, he would find himself stuck in a frozen stance, unable to move, and frustrated when he came out of it. He was beginning to have trouble with visual and spatial abilities in the way of judging distance and depth. His loss of basic reasoning just added to his growing confusion.