Connecting is Invaluable

Connecting with people who can support you through hard times is invaluable.

In life, there are little gifts that appear and make a big difference.  It happened to me when I met a person whose spouse is also terminal. There is nothing like being able to relate to the feelings and emotions with somebody that truly is going through the same thing.

Sadly, it only lasted about a month but during that time I was able to really start to feel  Connectinglike what I was going through was normal, and I really appreciated the deep emotions that we shared, the encouragement, support and cheering on that made my days a bit brighter.

My emotions are so close to the surface, and the last correspondence made me really tearful and sad. That is silly, to put so much into someone when I knew them such a short time. But that is what happens when you go through this kind of thing. Any sliver of hope or ray of sunshine that comes your way you cling onto for dear life because you don’t know if the sun will come out again…

I thank god for putting people in my life that made a difference in this difficult time. And I especially am thankful for giving me a friend who provided me a lifeline no matter how short the time was…

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The Road Ahead

I did get a glimpse of the road ahead and it is pretty scary…

My husband has been sleeping more and when he is awake doesn’t make sense at all. Often he thinks he is somewhere else. He said to me the other night as clear as day “all that matters is hugs and kisses” well, that is and has always been my priority hugging and kissing him throughout the day.

It was my granddaughters 6th birthday, and she was having a surprise party but she lives out of state. Luckily, I was able to get a team of caregivers to take care of my husband.  I headed out to my daughter’s house, so we could drive together. It was so nice to be with all my grand-kids and family members that day but I couldn’t help but feel melancholy.  When I mentioned it on the ride home my daughter wisely said “of course mom you are in the mourning process”.

Wise daughter that is exactly true as my husband gets worse I enter another phase, and it does cause me to be on a roller-coaster ride of emotions.

I was caught off guard. However, when we pulled up to my daughter’s house and proceeded to take the kids in with all their toys. Because it was late and there was quite a bit of stuff she said to just put it in the van, we will take it in tomorrow. When I opened the van door, my eyes filled with tears – all the memories of the van flooded through my mind.  I could just see my husband sitting in the driver’s seat, he loved that van. We even slept in the back on an air mattress when camping or glamping (meaning camping with flair).

I gave the van to my daughter, they needed a second vehicle; I had bought a new car and we didn’t need two vehicles.

If a simple van causes me so much pain what’s going to happen when he is finally gone?

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It is funny how people that really care are sometimes thought of as weak, especially in the business world…

That is a total misconception – but I have run into a lot of jerks in my time who believe being tough and heartless means strength.


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